Bloody Mary Sue!
by Esteladuial Greenleaf
Summary: The plague that is Mary Sue has afflicted Middle Earth! The Fellowship has been rendered helpless by this wench....What's gonna happen, eh? You should read it. My stork will think highly of you.
1. Mary Sue x Legolas

I have decided to start a new fic! Everyone loves new fics, yeah, yeah? ::nods:: 'Specially if they're Mary-Sue parodies, yeah, yeah?! So I thought. Got some good feedback from the other one...I've decided to lengthen this one a bit, what do you think? Remember to read fics by Estelijah Greenwood (co-written with Orlijah Bloomwood), or I'll kill you. Really. My badger knows kenjutsu. If this story isn't enough to render you brutally retarded, my toenails will. How I despise them so.

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"Ouch! Someone help me!" cried out a voice. A few yards away, Legolas Greenleaf's ears pricked up. He instinctively ran to the source of the voice, completely oblivious to what was to come.

"Please, help me! I seem to have...fallen, and twisted my ankle," pleaded a young woman, her face contorted in pain. Legolas instantaneously fell in love as soon as he laid eyes on her face, and gently lifted the maiden. No longer wincing, she smiled a smile that made Legolas almost buckle. She flicked her raven-dark hair and closed her eyes, that content little grin still playing across her face.

"I'll take you home with me! Father would LOVE to see you! And there, I can patch you up myself," said Legolas, COMPLETELY trusting of this total stranger.

"That would be so WONDERFUL. I'd LOVE to be at the mercy of those strong, manly hands of yours..." She said, stroking one of his hands with her own. Legolas gulped and nodded speechlessly. Her **wondrous** aura, coupled with her **unfathomable** beauty had left him astounded. He simply stared at her in awe. She gazed steadily back at him with her luminous blue eyes.

"What is your name?" he managed to sputter out.

"My name? Why, it's Mary Sue, of course!"

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Bloody short. Which is good for you, I would imagine. I know that the story sounds like an unintentional Mary Sue story right now, but it will get better. Yup. Er...Review for sanity's sake, for it hast forsaken thee. 


	2. Mary Sue x Aragorn

Yes I am updating. Again. Why? Because I love you. Although you may not love me. ::cries:: I am sad now. You have made me cry. And on my bloody birthday! -_- Arg… Well, maybe if you review this one, I'll let you off, yeah? ::grins evilly::

"Mary Sue, Mary Sue!" Legolas yelled joyfully as he bounded into her room. However, he came to find her bed empty, the covers tossed askew. He despairingly left, but vowing to find her…

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Aragorn was hunting for some…deer…when he came across a small clearing in the trees. There, a young woman with waist-length, blonde hair like shining like spun gold was…feeding the squirrels. She laughed as the squirrels quarreled with one another for the food.

"Oh, you SILLY squirrels, there's plenty of food for everyone!" she said, her laughter tinkling like bells. As she turned, Aragorn could see her young, pale face and her vivid green eyes examining him. Forgetting Arwen at the moment, Aragorn could only stare at this beautiful being. 

Suddenly, the maiden yelled, "GET DOWN!" and jumped in front of him. He was thoroughly bewildered until he saw the arrow implanted in the girl's side. Blood was streaming from the wound and seeping through her pure, white gown.

"Are you alright?!" Aragorn asked, holding her in his arms. 

"Yes, I'm fine. The arrow didn't hit any major organs," said the woman, clutching her side and breathing shallowly. "Luckily, I'm trained in advanced methods of Elf-healing, and will be able to regain myself in a matter of two days," she said, with a grimace. She grasped the shaft of the arrow firmly and pulled it out of her side in one quick motion. The dark red was oozing out unrelentlessly now. She tore some strips of fabric from the bottom of her skirt and bound the wound with it to stopper the flow, and winced painfully while doing so.

"Are you sure? I could just…carry you to the Shire. It wouldn't be any trouble at all…"

"No, I'm fine."

"Really, I insist…"

"Well, alright. But I must be allowed to heal myself. The old-fashioned methods of the Elves will bog me down, and I may not survive…"

"Alright then, to the Shire now, then," said Aragorn. As he picked her up, he asked, "By the way, what is your name?"

The girl only blinked her bright green eyes and and said, "Mary Sue."

See, short chaps are GOOD because then you can get through them faster and REVIEW quicker ^_^ Isn't that such a GOOD plan? Yeah, yeah? ^_^ Review, please?


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